Sunday was a particularly long and filled day for the family, not starting too early but finishing quite late. Of course we were playing host to Aibara-san, but the first major activity of the day was a visit by Yoriko, her husband, and an Obou-san.
The Obou-san - a buddhist priest - had come to perform the twice annual ceremony at the house's Butsudan. A Butsudan is a commemorative collection of tablets dedicated to the ancestors of the household. In Yoriko's case that means tablets for each of her parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. The ceremony is to "propriate" the ancestors - pray for their continued happiness in the after-life. While once a common practice in Japan it is now rare (some of the reasons I can guess at being the "loss of traditions" that continues in Japan and all countries, lack of space, ...) with Keiko (I think it was) estimating less than 1% of households now continuing the practice.
To our pleasure and surprise Yoriko invited us to join in the ceremony - though the Obou-san would perform all the ceremony and we would effectively be passive observers. The ceremony itself was quite simple and relatively short, offerings including small portions of drink, food, and incense had already been placed in front of the tablets. The Obou-san knelt directly in front of the Butsudan, chanting; while we with Yoriko and her husband knelt or sat cross-legged on cushions behind (Aibara-san on a chair). The Obou-san's chants were ocassionally punctuated by striking a chime,and at one stage the names and dates (of death) of Yoriko's ancestors were chanted. Before the kids got too restless the ceremony was complete and we retired to the loungeroom for tea and a traditonal sweet.
In the ensuing conversation we learnt something of the Obou-san - a lively (genki) ascetic older man, with a ready smile and laugh, close to retirement (this was his last visit to the house after doing it for over 30 years), and who's dream was to take long trips on a ship (which he did once to Australia about a decade ago). Personally (though I'm sure Maria would agree) I saw him as a great "advert" for buddhism - cheerful, engaging, happy, and open.
Soon the Obou-san had to leave for another job. While Yoriko was away dropping him off at the station Keiko arrived, and soon after Yoriko returned we were off to the station (Maria and I walking, the others in Yoriko's car) as the start of our journey to return Aibara-san to her nursing home in Ome.
Passing through the "ticket wicket" (having paid our fairs and had the tickets 'stamped') we learnt that the train (Chuo sen - our main route) had been delayed due "an accident on the line" (I just asked Maria for the special term used and she couldn't remember it either). This is a euphism for someone being hit by a train - of their own volition. Its such a problem (in terms of frequency) that a law exists to charge the family of the "victim" with the financial cost of the delay.
So what was to be a single long train ride became a bus trip, followed by 2 trains and something like 2 hours in length. By the time we arrived in Ome we were all hungry and aware that we had little time before we needed to return to Kichijoji (in order to attend dinner at Matsui-san's place that night). So we grabbed obento and headed over to the nursing home.
Though not particularly familiar with aussie nursing homes, I suspect this one while not unrepresentative of a Japanese nursing home, is quite different to those we have. A 4 story building situated right next to a rather nice river (excellent views) it houses some dozen odd patients, cared for by about the same number of carers. Each patient has their own room - though very small (particularly when filled with even a portion of a life's memories), and there was a kitchen, dining room, guests room (to spend time with visiting family ... Who can even sleep there overnight if they want).
Aibara-san was very keen to show us her nursing home, giving us the grand tour. It was very touching, on visiting her room, to see the wedding photo of Maria and I from 13 years ago on the wall with a number of other photos - all of her family. She made it clear she considered us part of her family. Saying goodbye was hard for all of us.
The train ride back to Kichijoji was long (Ome is at the end of the Chuo line) with Keiko, Maria, and I all dozing for parts of the trip. Looks like Maria and I are really becoming Japanese - being able to sleep on the train!
Arriving back in Kichijoji in the late afternoon we were met by Nobuko and Hajime and walked through Innokashira koen (park) to Matsui-san's place. A mist had arisen from the lake and waterways, so it was quite interesting and Tomoko came out and met us with her dogs.
We were met at the house with effusive greetings from Tomoko's mother - by the end of the evening this had even begun to thaw Hajime's isolation. The dinner and company with Tomoko and her mother were superb and time seemed to fly by. Tomoko had bought a DVD of Howl's Moving Castle (which she gave to the kids at the end of the evening) for the kids to watch - so there was a couple of hours of adult conversation with lots of laughter.
Before we knew it, it was 11pm and time to say goodbye. Tomoko walked us back to the edge of the park, we took our leave of Keiko and the kids in Kichijoji, and were home by 11:30 - very tired but also happy after a full and satisfying day.
The Obou-san - a buddhist priest - had come to perform the twice annual ceremony at the house's Butsudan. A Butsudan is a commemorative collection of tablets dedicated to the ancestors of the household. In Yoriko's case that means tablets for each of her parents, grandparents, and great grandparents. The ceremony is to "propriate" the ancestors - pray for their continued happiness in the after-life. While once a common practice in Japan it is now rare (some of the reasons I can guess at being the "loss of traditions" that continues in Japan and all countries, lack of space, ...) with Keiko (I think it was) estimating less than 1% of households now continuing the practice.
To our pleasure and surprise Yoriko invited us to join in the ceremony - though the Obou-san would perform all the ceremony and we would effectively be passive observers. The ceremony itself was quite simple and relatively short, offerings including small portions of drink, food, and incense had already been placed in front of the tablets. The Obou-san knelt directly in front of the Butsudan, chanting; while we with Yoriko and her husband knelt or sat cross-legged on cushions behind (Aibara-san on a chair). The Obou-san's chants were ocassionally punctuated by striking a chime,and at one stage the names and dates (of death) of Yoriko's ancestors were chanted. Before the kids got too restless the ceremony was complete and we retired to the loungeroom for tea and a traditonal sweet.
In the ensuing conversation we learnt something of the Obou-san - a lively (genki) ascetic older man, with a ready smile and laugh, close to retirement (this was his last visit to the house after doing it for over 30 years), and who's dream was to take long trips on a ship (which he did once to Australia about a decade ago). Personally (though I'm sure Maria would agree) I saw him as a great "advert" for buddhism - cheerful, engaging, happy, and open.
Soon the Obou-san had to leave for another job. While Yoriko was away dropping him off at the station Keiko arrived, and soon after Yoriko returned we were off to the station (Maria and I walking, the others in Yoriko's car) as the start of our journey to return Aibara-san to her nursing home in Ome.
Passing through the "ticket wicket" (having paid our fairs and had the tickets 'stamped') we learnt that the train (Chuo sen - our main route) had been delayed due "an accident on the line" (I just asked Maria for the special term used and she couldn't remember it either). This is a euphism for someone being hit by a train - of their own volition. Its such a problem (in terms of frequency) that a law exists to charge the family of the "victim" with the financial cost of the delay.
So what was to be a single long train ride became a bus trip, followed by 2 trains and something like 2 hours in length. By the time we arrived in Ome we were all hungry and aware that we had little time before we needed to return to Kichijoji (in order to attend dinner at Matsui-san's place that night). So we grabbed obento and headed over to the nursing home.
Though not particularly familiar with aussie nursing homes, I suspect this one while not unrepresentative of a Japanese nursing home, is quite different to those we have. A 4 story building situated right next to a rather nice river (excellent views) it houses some dozen odd patients, cared for by about the same number of carers. Each patient has their own room - though very small (particularly when filled with even a portion of a life's memories), and there was a kitchen, dining room, guests room (to spend time with visiting family ... Who can even sleep there overnight if they want).
Aibara-san was very keen to show us her nursing home, giving us the grand tour. It was very touching, on visiting her room, to see the wedding photo of Maria and I from 13 years ago on the wall with a number of other photos - all of her family. She made it clear she considered us part of her family. Saying goodbye was hard for all of us.
The train ride back to Kichijoji was long (Ome is at the end of the Chuo line) with Keiko, Maria, and I all dozing for parts of the trip. Looks like Maria and I are really becoming Japanese - being able to sleep on the train!
Arriving back in Kichijoji in the late afternoon we were met by Nobuko and Hajime and walked through Innokashira koen (park) to Matsui-san's place. A mist had arisen from the lake and waterways, so it was quite interesting and Tomoko came out and met us with her dogs.
We were met at the house with effusive greetings from Tomoko's mother - by the end of the evening this had even begun to thaw Hajime's isolation. The dinner and company with Tomoko and her mother were superb and time seemed to fly by. Tomoko had bought a DVD of Howl's Moving Castle (which she gave to the kids at the end of the evening) for the kids to watch - so there was a couple of hours of adult conversation with lots of laughter.
Before we knew it, it was 11pm and time to say goodbye. Tomoko walked us back to the edge of the park, we took our leave of Keiko and the kids in Kichijoji, and were home by 11:30 - very tired but also happy after a full and satisfying day.
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